ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
