The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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