party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
