Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
how drunk are you?
Several
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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