I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize