I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
