how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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