my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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