He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
