don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
