Little spoons don't ask big questions
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
