just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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