I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
