I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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