I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im holly from the hills drunk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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