My brain says no but my pants say off.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
