oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
