the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
