i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
