Can Purell be used as lube?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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