so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize