My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
