hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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