This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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