So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
