I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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