If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
