I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
50% drunk capacity currently
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
