Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
