god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
