The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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