party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
