I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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