I understand Curling. That high.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
