I want to stick my p in your. b.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize