The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
