If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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