He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
