1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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