I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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