I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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