I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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