I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
