I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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