margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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