my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
