There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
