If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize