No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
