just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
