in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
