No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
