i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
