i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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