if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
