I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
