You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
