Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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