There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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