He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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