so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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