Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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