I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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