Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
4 words: hood of his car
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
