The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
