Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
